You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
