I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just google imaged poop.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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