Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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