So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
