i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I lost the right to judge tonight
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
