i need an iv and a liver transplant
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
