My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
