new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have already put on my inside pants.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
