Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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