Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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