it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
