And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
