my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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