Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
