Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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