Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
