So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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