My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
