Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
