Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
