She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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