I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
