nut hugger
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
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i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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