I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
