Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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