i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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