I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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