this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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