you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
