My first STD was from a foam party
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
