So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
