i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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