zippers are such a cool invention
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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