I just cut my nipple shaving
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
