Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
