We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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