I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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