i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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