Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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