Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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