please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
