mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
COCAINE IS GR8
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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