is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
