I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
