I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
