he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
