Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
