Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
