What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
