im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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