matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
