you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
