Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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