Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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