Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
