I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
