Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
