can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
