He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
