I wish I could teleport
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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