you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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