1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
