She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Less talking, more tequila
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
