Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
