As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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